Tuesday, November 09, 2004

I am a 16 year old stuck in a 28 year old's body!

Today, one of my students asked me how old I was. I told her that I was 28 years old. She said that I did not look 28. She thought that I looked younger. Excellent.

I have said for a long time that I feel that I am stuck in a 16 year old's mind. Yes, I hold down a professional job, graduated with two degrees, and have been married for over four years. Yet, I still have elements of my personality that reak of adolescence.

Even though I try to educate myself on a number of diverse topics, I also find myself gravitating toward the embaressingly immature. For example, during the first Presidential debates, no matter how involved I was in the political process this year, I was more interested in the Surreal Life on VH1 than the debates. That doesn't seem very smart or mature to me. My love of costumes (Halloween, bachlorette parties, any other event where I can wear one) seems a tad immature, yet it is so humorous to me. Sometimes I think my toilet humor is also a bit 8 year oldish. I think my occupation has something to do with that...and my husband.

My 16 year old friend, Kelley, once referred to a co-worker at her store as "old". This co-worker was 30. I told her, "Kelley, I am 28. Then, I am old." She said, "No, you are young at heart." Thanks, Kelley. I do not consider myself old, yet I am no longer young and hip either. My love of karaoke has been referred to by my own co-workers as a young thing to do, but don't people of all ages like a good time. Please, never let me get to an age when fun and laughing is too old. I don't think this will happen since I have friends and family of all ages and they are a blast.

I have moments where I ask myself, "Will I ever grow up?" I don't think the fact that I have a job, a car, a husband will determine when this moment will arrive. I still think of myself as that 16 year old who views the world as possibilities rather than destinations at which to arrive. I don't like the idea of time passing and years going by. I like to think that I am ending a decade of change and will begin my 30's (in two years that is) with the same energy that I began my 20s. I think I will begin the 30s with even more hope of possibilities because I have some knowledge under my belt. Even the fact that I have become this self-reflective about my 16/28 year old spirit makes me think I am in my teens...actual grown-ups have better, more important things to think about, right?


Eyes said...

I know what you mean. I still feel young at heart but when I look in the mirror and see the new wrinkles appearing, I get brought back to reality!

My mom at 63 says the same thing!

Matt said...

I hear ya. I have this innocent man approach to life. Live life holding to as many of the benefits of youth as you can with all the trappings of adulthood. Of course, in your case it'd be the innocent woman approach.

I think my emotional age is about 12.