Are We Lost?

I was never a Girl Scout, but I believe their words to live by are...

Make new friends, keep the old. One is like silver and one is like gold.

Something like that. Well, I was glad to receive an evite from Amanda at LaLaLaLola. She is a friend of a friend, but she is friend of a friend that lives in Philadelphia. So, hopefully, we'll be all moved in and ready for a party when the date arrives.

We'll probably get lost. That is usually okay though. It is a little game that Tim and I like to play called, "Let's See If We Can Find Our Way Home". We take obscure paths and roads and then, we get lost. Usually, not on purpose, but sometimes on purpose. I think we'll have to be more careful in Philadelphia because their roads do not just go north and south in a square. But, I have a map. We'll be fine.

I hope we don't get lost driving to Philadelphia. I am sure we won't because Interstates kind of keep you in line. Thankfully, Tim and I like to drive. In order to have a successful road trip, some of the following things...
- Some thoughtfully planned mixed CDs
- Candy-I like Bit-O-Honey and Licorice, but if we stop, I always get M & Ms-plain
- Diet Coke
- Good Conversation
- Comfortable Silences
- Maps

Boy, do we have maps. Tim likes to buy a map from every state that we have visited in our car. Not just any map, but it has to be a Rand McNally laminated and folded state map. We have about 13 maps. So, I like to break them out and just look at them. This can keep me entertained for hours. I am a nerd.

Self Imposed Anger

I am so mad at myself. I can't stand surprises. That mixed with my addiction to Six Feet Under allows myself to read the episode guides on hbo.com when I cannot watch it. As you know, season four is coming out August 23 and they are in the middle of season five.

I was reading msn.com yesterday and there was a headline with something like, "Six Feet Under Kills One of their Own"...I couldn't resist. I HAD to read it. I am so mad that I did. I am just mad at myself. I have no self-control when it comes to Six Feet Under and ice cream. I won' t ruin it for you, but again...so mad at myself. I had forgotten that I was mad at myself until this morning when I was thinking about the date and how many days until season four comes out and UGH!

I am Mixing my Metaphors

Okay, I have been thinking about luck lately. I am not even sure if this is the word I want to use, but for reasons that have to do with my limited vocabulary, we'll use it.

Things happen every day and we don't stop to think about the reasons for these events. We never even consider that there has to be a reason for events. That is life...it just keeps happening. So, recently, I have had a couple people say things to me that make me think about events in my life and their purpose...is it fate, luck, or just the path that we choose to take risks upon?

As I was leaving my school, a friend said to me, "See, Sara, it is times like these that show you how people feel about you. People tell you that you were important to them and cared for." Why do people have to leave in order for people to say, "Hey, I like you and you are special." Why don't we say it everyday? I try to do this with more than just words...oh, you know me...I'll mix you a CD with some tunes. I'll bring a candy bar. I shoot you an email. I call you. So, am I lucky for leaving because I received some affirmations?

This kismet I question can lead people to start friendships, relationships where there was nothing before. I am not sure I believe in luck because I have always been so deliberate when choosing my relationships. Let's take my friend, Amy. I knew she was a smart cookie with clever comments, jokes, and questions. I know I literally said in my inner dialogue, "Hey, I like Amy. I am going to befriend her." And guess what, we're friends. Take Tim, I said, "Hey, he is funny and quirky. I am going to call him and ask him out." And guess what, I married him. So, when something happens that I had no deliberate part in choosing the path, I cannot catagorize it properly...my mind just wants to catagorize and luck just as never been a catagory.

Why does every event need to fit into a mental compartment to understand it? Maybe I am not to understand each event in my life, just live it. Everything does not need to be neat and tidy. Sometimes there are frayed edges and doors left open.

Whoa...I am full of metaphor tonight.

Guilt Ridden

Thanks for all the ideas for blogging. I am not quite sure why this happens to me. I do think it has something to do with being in Grand Forks. Now, I love Grand Forks and I have nothing but fond memories of Grand Forks, but it doesn't get my creative juices flowing like other places.

I am afraid that if I don't write something clever or creative soon, I will lose all of my dedicated readers. Not only I am suffering from blogger's block, but some added blogger's anxiety! Now, I am just being dramatic.

So, here is today's attempt to get unblocked...first...a confession of some type.

Yesterday, I went to Target to buy a backpack/bag for my ibook. I decided to buy this bag that had a special spot for my beloved mini ipod. The best part about this bad beside the fact that it was exactly the right size for what I needed, it came with a free $15 prepaid itunes card. There was some confusion at the counter about the itunes card. But I was satisfied that I had received the correct card and left the store. It was only at about ten o'clock that evening when I realized that Target had accidently given me an extra $15 itunes card. Dilemma.

The greedy, music lover in me wants to keep this card because I want to own all of the music. The honest person wants to return the extra card. Hmmm...I feel guilty even writing about it.

HELP! Blog Blocked

I am blog blocked. I am opening up comments for requests for information from me.

Tell me what you want me to write about and I will do my best. It can anything. I need inspiration. I'll share advice, insight, and opinions. I have shared myself with you for over a year, throw me a bone here.

Grand Forks Driving Rules

I tend forget the driving rules of Grand Forks, North Dakota. Sure, they might have the same written rules as the rest of the country, but they have enough of the unwritten rules for driving that it can even make a native of Grand Forks crazy.

GRAND FORKS RULE #1: That stop sign is merely a suggestion. It doesn't really mean stop. It really means, just slow down and no one else goes, then it must be your turn.

GRAND FORKS RULE #2: Sure, it might be my turn to turn because I do not have a stop sign and you do, but I am going to wave you on because it looks like you might need to go first. Now, if you can't read my mind that I want you to go even though I do not have a stop sign, then, I might give you a little of the North Dakota nice with a wave of the hand. Don't feel frustrated because I make up my own rules of driving...I am just being nice.

GRAND FORKS RULE #3: Even though many other people need to go to Target to do their shopping, you do not need to help them get there any faster by walking on the side of the parking lot aisle. Go ahead, walk right down the middle of the aisle. You are having a important conversation about the towels you just bought.

GRAND FORKS RULE #4: It is perfectly normal to drive at the same speed as the person next to you if you are driving in the fast/left lane. No one is in a hurry here.

GRAND FORKS RULE #5: Even though mall parking lots have these orange lines that suggest where we should drive, go ahead and drive straight across the parking lot over these lines. Those lines are for parking, not driving. Plus, I really need to get to Pier One and the quickest way is to drive over these lines.

Just Say No to Television?

I never watch television in the summer. I am just not one for gameshows, soap operas, or talk shows. Even though I didn't watch television, I can't really account for what I DID do with my time living in Iowa.

Now that I am in Grand Forks, I find myself watching television every morning. I am regressing back into a lot of my Grand Forks behaviors. First, American Movie Classics show some pretty good movies in the morning. Yesterday, AMC showed Lost in Yonkers and today they are showing Peyton Place. Peyton Place is a movie that I have seen several times before and it cracks me up. First, it so dramatic with its tawdry affairs and scandals. What was considered social suicide during Peyton Place's time is on every other television show now.

Cable television is something I could do without, yet Tim disagrees. I am trying to convince Tim that once we get to Philadelphia, we should not have cable television or at least, limit the channels. It seems to me that when I do watch television, I watch the same four channels. Tim watches FX, ESPN, and the four networks.

Maybe I'll change my tune when I get all hopped up on cable television living with my parents for a few weeks. I will try to get my fix of music videos, cooking shows, and old movies while I am hanging out in Grand Forks.

Lost in GF

So, I have three weeks in Grand Forks. I have no idea what I am going to do with myself.

This morning, I have watched "Lost in Yonkers" and drank a Diet Coke. I need to do more. I think today, I will go to the bookstore and buy a book. I will also scrapbook my going away party. I am beside myself with boredom this morning.

Hang on...It's a Deep One Tonight!

"I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship."

-Louisa May Alcott

I am not sure how many of my readers pay attention to my QUOTE OF THE WEEK, but it is something that I try to relate to my life. I know that it is one of the cheesiest things about me, but I find comfort and empathy in these words from the past. The comfort comes from the idea that I am not the first, nor will I be the last to experience and feel certain emotions and fears.

It could be that I am searching for my own words on a daily basis to express my journey right here on this blog, yet I find myself drawn to the words of others tonight.

Tonight, Louisa is telling me a few things...

• Those around me, teach me. I think it is for this reason that I am so saddened to be leaving my friends from Iowa. They've taught and enriched me. Iowa came at a time in my life when I needed to learn. I needed to be asked to reach beyond what I had known to be true.
• As I was taught, I hope I taught. Did I ask those around me to reach beyond themselves? Did I ask them to see beyond their front door?
• I am a believer that most things happen to us because our life choices have led us to these events. Along with that, I believe that I have lived a charmed life where I have had no physical or family struggles to overcome, so I have not encountered any 'storms'. Whenever I start to feel fearful or nervous about my next big step, I think of those who have struggled and shown such honor and grace. So, even without the storms, I would like to think that I am still learning.

Thanks for letting me indulge my deep thoughts for the moment. Go ahead. Comment.

Reunion Round-Up

Well, the reunion weekend is over and what happens at the reunion, stays at the reunion...unless you have a blog and want to share all the dirty details with complete strangers, former classmates, or friends and family.

Rhiannon and I felt very pleased with how the weekend came together after a year of planning. I think if you asked anyone who attended the weekend's festivities, they'd tell you that it was great fun. Surreal, but fun.

Like most things in my life, there were the few cliche moments. A reunion would not be a reunion without some disclosure from classmates about traumas of the past, confessions of secret crushes, and at least one classmate dancing on a table lifting her skirt for the class of '95 to see, but it wasn't me...sorry.

Because I was the reunion master and planned such a kick-ass reunion, I was granted the honor of using the RRHS Roughrider mug. All night long, my classmates would fill my mug up with any beverage of my choice. They showed a little appreciation in the liquid form.

Even though I did my very best to compete for the DANCING MACHINE award, I was beat out by my friend Wes. I just couldn't match up to his memorized routine to Britney Spears's "Oops! I Did It Again!". Very impressive. Robert, the DJ and our classmate, did an outstanding job because everytime I asked for a ridiculous request like "PYT" by Michael Jackson, his response was "Whatever you want, Sara."

I am not sure why this happens, but I never seem to get to the food at the parties that I organize. Friday night, we had all my favorites at The Blue Moose Bar and Grill, yet I was too busy yacking for me to dip into a little spinach con queso.

Early in the weekend, we stopped by the school to visit our former choir teacher. He shared that at our ten year reunion, we'd love the people that we loved in high school and hate the people we hated in high school. That was depressing because it went against everything that I wanted the reunion to be about. It also made me feel like, "Shoot, people will still hate me." AH! Where are these crazy, teenage insecurities coming from! I haven't seen them in ten years! Thankfully, I regained my optimistic self and refused to let that prophecy come true. If I didn't want anyone judging me by an old, misunderstood standard, then I would not judge anyone by those stale standards.

My plan worked out perfectly. The one thing that I enjoyed more than anything else was talking with people that I did not socialize with in high school and chatting with people that I have not seen for years. A ten year class reunion would not be complete without an ex-boyfriend. Thankfully, I chose so wisely in high school, my ex-boyfriends are still the coolest ex-boyfriends around.

My flashback of the night came many times when at least four men in my class decided to share their secret crushes from high school with me. Unlike high school, they did not request that I go see if these girls "like them more than a friend". AND! I was aloud to laugh outloud at their secret passions, where as, in high school, I would just have to go along with it. I am not sure what it is about me that makes men/boys do this through the years, but I am glad to see that somethings never change.

Unfortunately, I did not discover the identity of my secret blog reader, even though I discussed this blog with several people. I thought for sure it had to be one of these two girls. I approached each of them and they had no idea what I was talking about. So, the mystery remains. I might have to wait another ten years to discover this class of 1995 reader!

That is SOOOO 1995!

I suppose people have a variety of reasons they attend their 10-year high school reunion. Some want to "wow" 'em, some want to be fabulous, some want to show how HOT/RICH they became. My motivation is much simpler than these...

I have made some sweet CDs to entertain me on my 8 hour drive to my reunion. Luckily, I am picking up my pal, Amy, in Minneapolis who I also met during that seemingly important senior year. It seems right to drive into town together for our 10-year reunion (see photo of a ten year younger Sara and Amy).

A good question is not only why am I going to my 10-year reunion, but why did I take it upon myself to be deeply entrenched in the planning process?

A reunion is like a wedding, but without the clinking of the glasses and kissing. A little slideshow, a little buffet, a lot of dancing and a lot of friends. Basically, I enjoy a good party.

I was looking at photos from high school as I put the slideshow together. I look different. I no longer depend upon the boring bob haircut that got me through my three years of high school. Sure, a little more of me exists ten years later, but I don't care about that. I no longer have every color of turtleneck, but instead every color of summer t-shirt. I wear glasses and my hair has turned brown. No one told me that would happen!

Now that is the looks stuff, let's talk about behavior. I was wound tight! Things were very black and white for me. Either you were good or you were bad. Either you were smart or stupid. Ridiculous. I lacked all sense of empathy for others. To be honest, I probably wasn't the nicest person in high school. I had lots of friends, but I was highly judgemental. I would judge someone based on something as benign as their love of hockey. I find myself in such a different place ten years later when I am searching out people who are dramatically different than myself only to learn from them. I know I am a nicer person now.

I think I helped plan this party because like anything else, I want it to be great, whatever that means. My Iowa friends have come to know me as the social chair and I guess I wear that hat in this social circle too.

So, you may not hear from me for a couple of days, but I will return with stories from the reunion.

Impulse Should Not Always Be Controlled

I have a friend that tells the funniest stories from his childhood/adolescence. Let’s call him Charlie. From looking at him now as a HIGHLY responsible adult, I would never imagine him being the impulsive, awkward youth that he describes with his tales of clumsy adventure in middle and high school. Of course, we all have tales where we did the ridiculous, the seemingly pointless, but his stories always have one underlying drive…a total lack of impulse control. It usually leaves me shaking my head in amazement or laughing to the point of tears.

Charlie wanted very badly to be a member of his high school choir. In order achieve this goal; he would have to sing a duet with a girl in front of the choir director. In this situation, most would feel their nerves building and they might blow their cool. But not Charlie.

While the choir director played the stand up piano in the practice room, Charlie and his female partner crooned The Battle Hymn of the Republic…

“Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord…”

Then, suddenly, Charlie could not resist himself. He saw the pegs on the back of the stand up piano. The pegs were directly across from each other and in Charlie’s young mind; these pegs were placed in front of him for one purpose.

Even though his desire to be part of the choir was intense, his impulsive need to grab a hold of these pegs and take a semi-squatting position was the powerful drive. He took a hold of each peg and began revving like he was driving the baddest, meanest motorcycle in that choir practice room. Actually, Charlie was the only one pretending to drive an imaginary HOG in the room. His partner continued on without missing a beat. She was always the professional.

“His truth is marching on..," sang the very focused young girl.
"Revvvvv.....Revvvv..," Charlie sang.

The visual of this occurring is hilarious, yet when I questioned Charlie about his reasoning for making such a bizarre choice, he assured me that he was never considered the class clown or made the choice to be funny. He truly wanted to be in the choir. He still has no idea where it all came from.

Unfortunately, the older we get, the less we give into our whims and desires, which gives us less to laugh at about ourselves. Do we need to control all of our impulses or can we give into them and truly enjoy them like they are meant to be enjoyed? As a full-fledged adult, I try to control most of my impulses. I have learned something from Charlie’s quirky stories…I am going to allow myself one impulsive gesture in a day.

Well, as you may have guessed, Charlie did not make the choir. But Charlie does own a real, bona fide motorcycle and no longer has to give into his urges of being a bad-ass HOG rider.

Top Seven Things I Learned While Living in Iowa

1. Iowans love BREADED PORK TENDERLOINS! Maybe I am wrong, but I don't remember ever having this Iowa delicacy as a choice at almost every restrauant in North Dakota or Minnesota. The meat is half a size larger than the actual bun that it is served upon. Iowans discuss in length where to get the best, biggest, juiciest tenderloin. Big ups to the Pork T!
2. College Football is King! I came from a place where only professional sports were considered important with the slight exception of UND hockey. Here, you are categorized into two distinct and equally loved/hated higher ed mascots. You are either a Cyclone or a Hawkeye. Choose wisely.
3. Sweet Corn can be a meal all by itself! On every corner during this special time of summer, vendors are happy to provide you with the best tasting corn you'll ever eat. This corn is so much better than anything you would buy in a grocery store. Mmmm...peaches and cream corn. Delicious.
4. Convenience Stores sell the BEST fountain pop! Did you know that you can get 44 ounces of sparkling, bubbly Diet Coke from the fountain machine for a mere 69 cents! What a deal! Iowa's convenience stores are so nice. They are clean, kept, and have everything. They are huge too. They are everywhere, on every other street corner you might find a Kum and Go or QT. I love them and will miss them.
5. You can buy anything at a HYVEE Grocery Store! Anything. IF you need a porch swing, HYVEE. If you need a dress tie on your way to church, stop off at the HYVEE! Once cannot move to Iowa and not fall madly, deeply in love with the local HYVEE.
6. Iowans NOW Love Karaoke TOO! In the course of my tenure in Iowa, three more karaoke joints have popped up in or around Ankeny. True, I have not converted everyone, but one by one, they are drawn to the microphone. I know when I return, there will be a KARAOKE REVOLUTION happening in Iowa!
7. Humidity vs. Iowans...I place my coin down on the side of Iowans. The deep, sticky, and somewhat evil humidity that plagues this state does not keep Iowans inside. Iowans have their famous Iowa State Fair in the middle of hot August...and they like it.

Food is Love

I tend to be one of those people that shower food upon people. For example, if someone is sick or has had a surgery, I'll bring them some food. If someone is in the middle of some stressful time in their life, I bring them some cake. When my friend was on bedrest, I'd bring her Dairy Queen and slurpies. I would show love through food. Food is love, right? Well, that is what I was taught.

I was loved last night because my friend Kecia brought me a four course meal because she knew that I was knee deep in boxes and tape. It was so kind. A delicious ravioli lasagna, salad, bread, and homemade chocolate chip cookies. It was perfect. The best part of this meal is that we will eat this for days.

I never thought I would say this, but I am so sick of eating out. All of our kitchen things are packed and I cannot cook, therefore, restaurants have become our kitchens. So, Kecia gets the 'shout out' of the day!

Toast

I thought there were some laws against CHILD LABOR?

But I was wrong. What I believe to be a 12 year old tried to help me at Best Buy today. He was a member of the Geek Squad at Best Buy.

The Geek Squad are supposed to be the superheroes of technology, right? They are supposed to download with a single click! Problem solve your flashdisk with the flick of their finger! From hardware to software, they are supposed to trip into action.

Not so this morning. I wanted to take that young geek and shake him. He tried to pawn me off as what I believe he saw in front of him as some lady who knows nothing about technology, but has a digital camera because it is the hip thing! I was steamed and if you know me, it takes a lot to get me steamed. Now, I tried to remain respectful. But I did lose my cool once...this is how it all went down...

I walk up to the counter to discuss my problem. I explained that I usually upload my photos on the PC, but I wanted to do it on my ibook instead. I was explaining how this has never been a problem when he interrupted me (mistake #1) to tell me in the most condescending way, "Well, ma'am, you reformatted the disk. Those pictures are toast (mistake #2)."

Toast?

I disagreed with him that this had not occurred in the past. He then got into what I like to call Battle of the Know-It-Alls with me. He said, "Well, ma'am. It even happens when you use a flashdisk." I again disagreed with him because I transfer files using a flashdisk from PC to ibook all of the time.

He was not going to let, what he believed to be technologically inferior to him, tell him he was wrong so he tried one more time, "Well, ma'am...It happens with ipods too."

That was it...I am not sure that I can portray the rude attitude this 12 year old was shooting my way, but I was not going to take it. Sure, I was there to get help, but from the very beginning of our conversation, I knew he was not going to help me.

I said, "Are we having a contest?"

He said, "No, ma'am, we are not."

I said, "Good, because my ipod goes back and forth to the PC and the ibook all of the time. Can you help me with my problem or should I go somewhere else?"

He concluded, "Like I said, toast (mistake #3)."

How am I supposed to recover from that kind of inept help?! All I am going to do is wait until I am in Grand Forks where I know the people at the camera store in the mall are the smartest camera people I know. They will help me and they will at least be old enough to drive a car.

Party Time, Excellent!

When I came to Iowa, I never imagined that I would make such good friends. I thought I was just passing through to somewhere not yet known. However, Iowans got the best of me. My Iowa friends helped us celebrate our move to the East and to have one last party together. There were s'mores, drinks, snacks, and tents for shade. (I wish that I could photos to share, but I am having memory card issues. I'll post them as I get them resolved.)

• A special guest star attended the party, my friend Sara. She traveled all the way from Minnesota to meet my Iowa friends and make almost everyone at the party laugh at her sometimes inappropriate humor.
• The s'more making prongs were so long that when the marshmallows would catch on fire, I could not blow them out without grabbing the hot prong...I only made that mistake once. From then on, I had a s'more apprentice for the blowing. By the way, isn't it kind of gross to have others make your s'mores because someone might have to blow on your marshmallow and usually where their is blow, there is spittle! I know at least one person who might never eat a s'more again...you know who you are.
• The snack table was something midwesternly special. It had party smokies, meatballs, queso, relish tray, and of course, bars. Strangely, I did not eat a single snack. It was kind of like our wedding...I did not eat or drink because I was too busy talking and chatting with all the favorites.
• Now, a party is not a party, until the cops show up. So, it was around 1 AM when the fuzz shined their car lights through the fence. We immediately turned down the music and behaved ourselves. It was the first time all evening.

I am changed for the better by living, working, and playing in Iowa. Thanks, NW!

Camera Woes

I am beside myself. One of my memory cards from my party is giving me a mean message that says "CARD ERROR". When I get all of my photos, I will post a detailed story of the party. For starters, all my favorites were there.

Our Anniversary

It is our fifth wedding anniversary today. On these kind of occasions, I like to reflect about the years that have passed. I like to think of the events that have occured that have led us to this day. Surprisingly, not much has changed. I am not sure if this is a good thing or not...it is probably a good thing for us.

Tim always says, "Sara, we are so lucky." I always correct him with, "No, Tim not lucky. We make our choices in our life. We live the life we've chosen."

This applies to jobs, friends, travels, apartments...everything. We are so happy together. I don't think if I searched all over this world would I find such a complimentary spirit to my soul as Tim. I am thankful.

Missing: Our Remote

MISSING: Our Remote Control
LAST SEEN: Wrapped up in the blue and green blanket on the couch!
SUSPECTED LOCATION: Still wrapped up in the green and blue blanket, but packed away in one of over 20 boxes by Sara because she was in the middle of one of her packing frenzies that she did not notice the victim remote.
RAMIFICATIONS OF PACKING FRENZIE: Tim wandering around the apartment searching for the remote. Tim refusing to watch television because there is no remote. Tim insisting on watching television in the non-air conditioned room because that television has a remote. Time travel back to the days when people watched commercials and did not explore other cable channels for all the programs that we might be missing out on.

The First Goodbye

Congratulations, Steve! You are the first of many friends that I have to say...

See ya. So long. Call me. Come visit me.

What it really comes down to is all people WANT to believe that they are IRREPLACEABLE. We meet new friends, build a relationship, enjoy each other, and they move on to different pastures. So, what kind of investment do you need to make to insure friendships endure miles, age, and everyday lives?

I am not too concerned actually. I think people get me. I think people understand that I love to send emails to friends just to say hello. I will call out of the blue. It is pretty difficult not to stay in touch with cell phones, instant messaging, email, and blogs.