Monday, April 11, 2005

Six Faces of Sara

"Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and the woman who is hidden" ---Erma Bombeck

I love it. I love this quote. I will assume that it applies to more women than just myself, but from the first time that I read this quote, I connected to it. With years of friendship under my belt, almost five years of marriage, and a lifetime of family, you would think that someone out there knows the whole me. They don't. They can't. I like to keep a little just for myself. However, I think it is possible that some people know parts of me.

The Counselor-People tell me stuff. I am not sure why. From a very early age, people felt that they could confide in me. I am not always a listener because I do share what I think on the certain situation. You know me...I was the girl who guys would call to tell me how much they were in love with my best friend. Or girls would call me and be sad about a boy. Now they are women calling being sad about a man. I still do my best to hand out sage advice laced with some hearty common sense. I have recently taken on this role in my school environment. My co-workers will come to me and ask for advice. I do my best, but I still feel like I am in no position to hand out advice with only five years of teaching under my belt, by no means a veteran. My advice come with no strings attached and no judgement when it is not followed. My best advice comes when I care about the person. My worst advice is when I think the situation is petty.

The Knee-Slapper-I love a good time. More importantly, I like to make people feel at ease and comfortable. I like to connect to people through humor and laughter. My best friends in the world have years of laughter and stories behind them. On the other hand, my newest friends seem to be bound to me through humor. I am never afraid to make myself the butt of the joke. I encourage pranks and jokes. Inside jokes can be the best as long as no one else knows they are inside. My first reaction when I fail at something is to laugh at myself. I like to say something like, "Boy, that was terrible, huh?" Then, I laugh. And I mean it. I think I might do anything for a laugh...either at myself or someone else. The other day in my classroom, we were discussing how pioneers used to burn buffalo chips for fires. When I asked the class if they knew what it meant, one student said, "Yes, poop." I burst out laughing. I couldn't help myself.

The Wannabee-The lifelong search for fullfillment is my quest (or curse). I hate to sound so dramatic, but there is just part of me that wants to be EXCELLENT at something. I really think that very few people in this world are EXCELLENT at something. Like many, I feel very mediocre at lots of things. I don't say that to put myself down...that is just how I feel. However, unlike many people, I am searching and trying new things everyday. I reach beyond that comfort zone and believe that I will find that something. Maybe it is teaching. Maybe it is something creative. Maybe it is cooking. I am not quite sure. And really, would I really want to find it at the young age of 28? Then, what would I spend the rest of my life doing? I would search no more. Part of the fun is the search and sometimes the failure. I want to be something, but I am not sure what that something is. All I know is that when I try and try and try.

The Memory Keeper-Maybe it is the music, the smell, the time of year, but my mind is in constant memory overdrive. It doesn't really matter how many years, months, days have passed, I just like to think of people. I think to remember funny stories, touching moments, and words that were passed between me and another. I know that I hold most things to heart a lot longer than most people. Whenever I smell Bath and Body Works Sun-Rippened Raspberry candles, I think of the semester that I had my own room at the sorority and how I missed so many of my friends. They were all very busy and I was not. Whenever I hear the Christmas song "Sleigh Ride", I think of the dance recital where we danced around in a circle like horses. My friends and I tell the same stories over and over and over. We laugh just as hard as we have always laughed. It sounds strange, but I just like to remember. It is not living in the past, just remembering it.

The Reactor-I jump to action like your favorite super hero! Something needs to be done, I'll do it. Something needs to be fixed, I'll fix it! I was always the girl in class that would answer the teacher's question because I felt bad that no one else was raising their hand. A perfect example is my ten year high school reunion. I jumped into Super Sara action a year and a half in advance to plan the reunion. I needed to make sure that it happened. A little self-absorbed/control-crazy for sure, but someone needs to do and it might as well be me. What I have come to understand is that people like it when I do things that they don't want to do. And if I don't mind doing it, I might as well do it. Confusing...I know. Then, there is the not-so-good part of being a reactor. I have a VERY sharp tongue. Just ask my eighth grade algebra teacher. I have the ability to bite someone with words so striking that I have made people cower in an emotional corner only to return after a very remorseful apology. It is terrible. I have been working on this over the years. I know that it hurts people and I try my best not to do this. So, being a reactor can be good and it can be bad.

The Thinker-Always. If a person looked at me, they might think they know what I am thinking, but they are probably dead wrong. I like to think of scenarios in my mind. Even now, I don't want to tell what I think about. All I know is that these thoughts are all mine. No one elses. They are not unhealthy thoughts, just my thoughts. I don't want to put them out there to be analyzed by anyone. I like to think just as much as I like to remember.

There it is. Even now, there are parts of me that I could share, but will wait because this is one long post. My longest since NYC.

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