Sawa

Tomorrow, I will start my career as a pre-school teacher. I have had plenty of personal experience with four and five year olds, yet no professional experience. I am trying to remember what four and five year olds are like. I am trying to remember what I was like at that age.

At my high school reunion, a classmate pointed out that several of us were in the same pre-school class! That is quite a memory. So, of course, we took a picture.

I don't remember much from that time, but I do remember a healthy obsession with fairy tales, specifically, princesses...Cinderella being my favorite. I had several different versions of the book. I remember liking to play dress-up. I remember I really liked to sing. I remember that I would get in trouble at pre-school and church school for talking a lot. I have been told that I didn't like people with loud voices. I also could not say my Rs. My name was "Sawa". For example, I would pronounce REFRIGERATOR like "Wefwidgawata"...it was like that for a good four years into elementary school.

I am a little nervous that I will not be a natural with this age group. I think the children make it easy to interact with them. Children at this age like it when adults listen, play, sing, and enjoy them. This is my plan.

Educating Myself

I picked up the Main Line School Night adult education directory for the fall. I love adult education. The last adult education class that I took was a summer potter class. It was fantastic and I couldn't get enough of it. I now have new experiences at my fingertips, but I have to choose which class I want to take!

TAP DANCING-From age five to age fifteen, I would strap on the tap shoes once a week for my weekly dance lesson. I could shuffle and ball-change with the best of them. At my high school, they had these recitals where most people chose to sing, but my friend and I chose to tap dance. They were always the most ridiculous routines...actually, they were always the same routine just set to different music...the theme from Star Wars...the disco version, The Carpenters...whatever song we could find that just didn't seem right with tap dancing. So, I could be a tap dancer.

WATER AEROBICS-When I was a freshman in college, I took water aerobics as a class. And strangely enough, I got a B in the course. One would think that I could have at least pulled an A from that class. The appealling thing about this class is that it is close to my house, I get to be in the water, and it seems entertaining to me. I like to splash around in the water.

SELF-DEFENSE-My self-defense tactics are slim. I know where to kick if someone needs to be kicked. I could poke their eyes with my fingers...but that is about it for kung-fu skills. A woman has to have some skills!

BEGINNERS SPANISH-I know I would enjoy this, but I know that I would have to take the next level of Spanish to retain anything learned. So, this would be more of committment than, let's say, tap-dancing where I could just break it down in my living room if I wanted to.

LET'S MAKE CANDY-If you know me, my secret dream is to own a candy store. So, this would be a start.

I am not considering the following, but they are offered...
- Tarot Card Reading
- Write a Romance Novel
- Ghost Tour of Philadelphia
- Coffee 101
- Swedish Massage
- How to Prune Almost Anything....my favorite

My Favorite Mistake

A great break up song. Now, true, I haven’t been broken up with in over 14 years, but I still get it. I get that people call some of their life’s choices mistakes, but that is one thing that George W. Bush and I have in common, I rarely acknowledge mistakes made.

I am not a stubborn person…no, I am, but I just try to think of them in a more positive perspective than mistakes. I just see them as choices. I always thought a mistake was an unfortunate act or decision caused by bad judgment or lack of information. I would say that most of my mistakes have been caused by lack of information…like, I had no idea that drinking that much tequila would make me that sick.

BUT! I am willing to admit mistakes because we all make them. Now, where do I start…first, my very first mistake that I can recall happened when I was a kindergartener. It is not my favorite mistake, but I think it is the first mistake...caused by sheer panic in the mind of a semi-innocent six year old. I rode the bus and as a kindergartener, there is nothing more frightening than believing that you missed the bus. Well, my teacher, Mrs. Tannahill called the class over to the carpet and told the class that “someone did not put away the felt board pieces and no one was going home until whoever played with the felt board cleans up.”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I have to get on the bus!!! She is going to make me miss the bus!!!,” a six-year-old Sara thought to herself.

So, I raised my hand and said that I had left the felt board pieces out even though I had not. I lied. I knew it was wrong to lie, but I had to catch the damn bus! So, I was advised to clean up the mess. Then, some do-gooder kindergarten classmate...I have a feeling it was my do-gooder neighbor Jason who told Mrs. Tannahill that I did not leave the pieces out. So, I not only got in the initial trouble for leaving out the felt board, I got in trouble for lying. It didn’t matter to Mrs. Tannahill the innocent motive for my falsehood.

So, it may not be my favorite mistake, but one of my first mistakes.

A Philly Weekend

I have just completed week two of living and breathing in the greater Phildadelphia area. It just keeps getting better and better. I think my friend Amy had something to do with that. She took the Chinatown bus from NYC. I took my first train ride from the Main Line (that is where I live) to the center of Philadelphia to pick her up! I was proud of myself because this was a brand new thing for me and something very foreign to me as a midwesterner. We don't use public transportation very willingly.

We came back to my apartment and went out to eat with Tim at a local pub in our neighborhood, The Grog. It was fantastic. We had an appetizer of Hot Crab, Artichoke, and Spinach served with cut warmed pitas.

Saturday, I gave Amy a tour of my area...as much as I could...you know, where I buy groceries, my library, my Starbucks...Then, we hopped on the train again to go to the city where we walked through Antiques Row, the historical district with Independence Hall, but we did not get to tour it since they were all sold out of tickets. We took shelter from a down pour in a touristy building where people were dressed in period costumes.

The true treasure of our adventure was the Reading Terminal Market. Like most markets, they offer deli meats, cheeses, produce, and more, yet the food vendors impressed me. Pakistani, Sushi, Cheesesteaks, and so much more could be eaten to your heart's delight. We were taken with the fresh Crepe counter. We agreed on and shared a sweet crepe with delicious Nutella, strawberries, and bananas sprinkled with powder sugar. This is my new favorite thing in Philadelphia. I adore the market and plan to make many trips there.

Building a Mystery

Have you ever met someone and placed them in that mental category MYSTERY?

You could know someone for years and years or for just a day, but you know that no matter how well you get to know them, that no matter how many years you know them, they will always be a mystery to you. Some people find this intriguing and they live their whole life trying to figure a person out. To solve the mystery.

Sometimes, these people remain a mystery by their own choice. They keep people out of their lives. They reveal very little to the ones wanting to take them into their lives. Sometimes I think this mysterious person only wants to be around people who understand them or someone else who remains closed off. Sometimes I think these types might be mysteries, but more than mysteries they are full of fear.

Sometimes, a person remains a mystery because there are so many parts that make up the whole of this person, it would be impossible to know all these parts…to understand all of these parts. These are the types that I find the most fascinating. These are the types that I am attracted to. I am just one of those people that like to understand all parts of a person. If you are my friend, I think about you in that way...I am very busy trying to figure you out.

Sometimes, people try to be a mystery. I think this is transparent.

Building a mystery can be a good thing, but it can also be a bad thing. When people do not connect with other people in their lives, they limit their capacity for emotion and relationships. I have met some people like this, but it is inevitable that they open themselves up to me. Sometimes it is because I force my friendship upon them without them even realizing it is happening. The best part of my sleuth abilities in my relationships, it takes a lifetime to figure people out…

Me on the other hand, I am an open book. I am not a mystery. I post my life, thoughts, feelings, fears, and ideas on the internet for all to read.

Musical Inspiration

I was listening to my deliciously green ipod today while I cleaned the house. I found myself dancing to The Jackson 5 while I washed the dishes. I have to keep in mind that I have windows now in my kitchen where people can see me doing my best electric boog-a-loo. Anyway...

I have been sharing quite a bit about my life here in Philadelphia, but I have been sharing very little of my other thoughts. This blog has always been a mix of my life's events, my thoughts, my ideas, and my interactions with people. I have really gotten away from the thoughts and ideas piece of this project. So, in order to help me with this blocked area of thought for me, I will use music to inspire me. It always does.

I will use song titles to give me a topic for writing when I need some thing to write about. What do you think?

Girl Crushes

I watched The Today Show this morning, which is a rare thing for me. However, I was lucky enough only to watch the last quarter of the show when they are discussing very froo-froo topics. Today, the hot topic was GIRL CRUSHES. This is something that I know something about. I usually share my celebrity girl crush with people in discussions about movies or television shows. At this moment, my celebrity girl crush is Scarlett Johannson.

On The Today Show, they were referencing an article in The New York Times where they discussed how most women develop girl crushes. This has nothing sexual about it. It is the idea that women meet someone, feel a kindred spirit type personality, want to see them again, think they are fantastic, and think about them. There is nothing sexual, but I won't say nothing romantic...because I use the term romantic for more than just roses and candy. It is romantic to find someone who is like you and you find facinating and exceptional and want to be friends.

The article shares that for generations, women have denied these girl crushes where just generations before shared them and wrote about them. Recently, while cleaning out my grandfather's garage, I came across a notebook that was owned by my great-grandmother Annie. There were notes written to her that were so kind and loving and written by other women. I made an immediate connection to what the author was sharing in the New York Times article.

Not only the notes from the past that I discovered, but that this system of girl crush is exactly how all of my friendships in adulthood have transpired. I meet someone, think they are fantastic, want to hang out with them, want to sit around and learn more about them, and eventually, become lifelong friends. Read the article. If you are a girl/woman, you'll make a few connections.

I Got a Job

I got myself a job today! This job has been building in interest for me for sometime now. I discovered the job announcement way back in June and applied. They told me to wait until I was in PA to apply again.

I will be working at a pre-school for a private college in the area. It is a lab school where the student to teacher ratio is outstanding...3 to 1! It is part-time, but this is actually a good thing. It gives me sometime to cool my moving jets and enjoy the area. It also allows for travel and guests to visit me. I am also looking for another part time job, but at a store or something like that.

I am going to celebrate this weekend. It will be the first official weekend of exploration of Philadelphia away from the Main Line...that is what they call the are that I live. I have tentative plans for a friend to visit and she will help my explore the city. Then, when other friends and family come to visit, I'll have lots to show them. So, who is coming to visit me?

The Men of the PA Libraries...A Rare Breed

Even though I have been thankful for the library's email availability, it definately comes at a price. It never fails. No matter which library I go to, I end up sitting by someone who creeps me out or simply amuses me.

I am not sexist, but so far, they have all been men.

• The Talker-he visits with the screen. He reads outloud what he is reading on the screen. He might even do a little yell, 'YES!' when he discovers something or needs to affirm his internet searching skills. Maybe he just received great news like his new Dungeon and Dragons action figures that he bid on on Ebay will arrive tomorrow.
• The Noise Maker-he makes noises. No particular words come out of him, just sounds. A hum here or there. Maybe a moan. Sometimes a hiss. I don't even want to imagine what he could be looking at.
• The Frantic One-he is the man that runs into the computer lab and walks frantically around the computers to find an open one. He very vocally breathes a sigh of relief when he finds one. He plops down and assures the person next to him that, "It'll all be okay. I found one." I am not kidding with that quote. I actually saw this go down.
• The Stinky One-he doesn't smell good. He smells very bad. Maybe he forgot to brush his teeth and he has a cold so he is breathing with his mouth open. But just as you can't get over the stink, another man sits to your left and he smells even worse. A stink sandwich if you will...this is the worst.
• The E-vesdropper-he likes to read my emails. He is waiting for something to load and he is moving ever so slowly to his right in order to read the facinating email from my friends. He even takes a second to look me right in the eye and smile when he gets to a funny part. I like to give him my, 'You've got to be kidding' face. That usually does the trick.
• The Grossest-he digs in his ear and then types. He rubs his nose and then types. He picks his teeth and THEN TYPES! Disgusting. This more than any other behavior affirms my need for internet at home!

McDonald's and Movies

I like to watch movies but I have this rule. I don't watch movies where I know what happens. However, this rule applies to real life events only, not books or musicals that have been turned into movies. It may shock some of you, but I have never seen, nor want to see The Titanic. This has been a cinematic tragedy for my friend Steve who reminds me a couple times a year that I should see the movie. I refuse. I know what happens. The boat sinks.

When I use this arguement, people usually try to convince me with "Well, there is a romance." These people must not know me very well because romance isn't going to sell it with me.

Pearl Harbor. Miracle. The Passion. I know what happens. We all have movie pathologies and I have written about them before today, but I just can't watch these types of movies. Two hours is a lot of time, people...and for most of these movies, they stretch into the three hour zones.

To be a Freshman Again...

Tim and I went to Villanova's campus today to check our email since we do not have internet at home now...not until August 30. Ouch.

Anyway, we saw all of the new students in little groups gathered for orientation. As we walked across campus and saw the leaders all in matching shirts, we both remembered how much we didn't enjoy the orientation process. Maybe things are different now, but all I remember is the pressure to meet new friends and meet the opposite sex. That is just not how I work when it comes to making friends. Thank goodness we didn't see the students doing the human knot...you know the one where they make you grab hands with strangers that you would never normally hold hands with and get yourself untangled. There was usually a bossy person that would direct the human knot and you'd just be left feeling dirty, not more trusted by these strangers.

I understand the importance of orientation activities. Most of these students are away from home for the first time and maybe feeling vulnerable. This morning, we just watched and felt relieved that we were not part of the trust/team building that was going on. These leaders were also singing songs and doing cheers. As an 18 year-old, I am not sure how cool I would think that was, but maybe times have changed. It has been a good ten years since I was in their shoes. The funny part about the cheers and songs was that the freshman girls were singing and dancing and the dudes, well, they were dudes. They just stood there and watched the girls jump up and down and sing the songs.

Haircut Misadventure

I went for a haircut yesterday. Maybe I am way off base here, but...I like it when it takes a long time to get my hair cut. More importantly, I like it when they take their time with me. I realize that I do not have a lot of hair and it is a difficult thing to make a hair cut last with such short hair, but give me a break. My hair cut lasted all of 14 minutes yesterday. In and out. With a shorty do like mine, it is very important to trim the back with a razor/buzzer...she forgot to do this and I didn't notice until I was home. I thought about going back and having her do it, but I couldn't be bothered. So, Tim trimmed my neck. Weird, huh. I thought so too. I was very, very uncomfortable with Tim fixing my hair. I think I may have even threatened him in my delusional hair cut state I was in.

I think the threat went something like this...
"Seriously, Tim. Don't go to high or I will die."

I can be quite dramatic.

He did a fine job. Tim really missed his calling. Instead of a college professor, he should have been a stylist. He has a knack for it. I will not call on his services again because I have learned a very important lesson today. Make the stylist give you a mirror to look at the back of your head.

As for my Philly adventures, I went for a long walk yesterday and thought about a lot of things. It was nice. Today, I venture to the second biggest mall in America. I have this amazingly large map of the suburban area in which we live and I broke it out last night. I sprawled it on the floor of my living room and found a route that allowed me to avoid the interstate...they are scary to me at this point. I will overcome that fear another day. Wish me luck.

Slack Given and Don't Mess with Me!

So much to say! So much to say!

First, who is the jerk that thinks it is okay to hi-jack my blog and advertise his crap! Unacceptable. This world of commericial, buy, buy, sell makes me frustrated when it creeps into my little corner of the internet! Who does he think he/she is? Only I can be a sell out here at Midwestern Position! Only I can make recommendations on how to waste our hard earned cashola! If you have no idea what I am talking about, check out yesterday's comments...with the exception of JA...his comment was totally acceptable and needed. It is nice to be missed. And Dree...I dig your comments too.

After speaking with my friend Steve last night, I have come to the conclusion that I am being too hard on myself in terms of knowing all there is to know about this place. He gave me some perspective and that is always needed. I have been here less than one week and I expected myself to know it all. Philadelphia is the fifth largest city in the US and and it is unreasonable to have a clue on day five.

It is a rare thing when I give myself a break. Cut myself some slack. I am terribly hard on myself.

I realize that my readers might be getting bored with all the move talk...I know I am. So, starting today, maybe tomorrow, I will try to limit the moving stuff.

Quest for the Day...A Haircut

Last night, I was trying to mentally go back to summer 2002 when I first moved to Iowa from North Dakota. I wanted to remember the feeling I had...the feeling of not knowing anything about my current environment.

You know, the things you take for granted once you have lived somewhere for a good six months, like, where to get a hair cut, where to find a Target/Kmart type store, which grocery store is the best fit, where to buy a quick outfit when you don't want to go to a mall...that sort of thing.

Today's quest...I need a hair cut. I should have gotten a hair cut in North Dakota but I just didn't want to...I should have since I had tons of time on my hands, but now I am left in Pennsylvania with a shaggy do and no idea where to get a trim. Wish me luck.

As for the putting away task, I am doing well. I have the living room, kitchen, and bedroom in order. The second bedroom and bathroom are a bit of a shamble. Storage is the issue. My linen closet has one shelf designated for actual linens and the rest has pots, pans, and appliances that I rarely use...like a waffle iron. But do I get rid of the waffle iron? We sometimes like to have waffles! Ugh, the dilemma!

I will be taking a daily trip to the library until I get the internet or a job...which ever comes first...to check my email, do my searching for answers like the haircut, and writing this blog.

Ah...I am on a timer!

I will make this a quick one since I am using the library's computer and they are a bit stingy on the time given. I can't wait to have my sweet, sweet internet up and running at my place.

We arrived Saturday and we exhausted. It is funny how sitting in the car for two days straight can make a girl tired. Our apartment was unbearably HOT. So, we switched on the AC and took a drive to the grocery store. Blah...Blah...Boring moving stuff.

Highlights from our trip...

1. While packing our car in Minnesota, Tim heard a goose honk above his head and looked up. While looking up, he heard a splatter down below, so he looked down. Low and behold, the goose mistook Tim's bag for a toilet.
2. Taco Bell, Wendy's, Steak and Shake, and Arby's. In that order.
3. A shady, shady motel we discovered on the side of the road late on Friday evening...we couldn't drive a minute more and this shady dream of a motel was just what our tired souls needed.

I am busy unpacking, but I have my priorities, people! I stalked the local public library and found this computer and now you are up-to-date. I hope you will be patient with my here and there posting since I am, sadly, without internet access.

The Big Move

I am on my way to my new and very fabulous life in Philadelphia. I drove from Grand Forks to Sara's hiz-ouse. It was great for a number of reasons. First, I listened to my new televangelist boyfriend, Joel Osteen. He was trying to help me live my best life now. Then, I also listened to some possiblities for future karaoke crooning. I was able to stay at Sara's hiz-ouse in SPECTACULAR Avon, Minnesota. It was great. She served some chicken and corn.

HIGHLIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Root Beer Floats for Dessert!

I will spend a day in Minneapolis tomorrow. Then, we are off. Please. Do not be disappointed if I am not blogging for the next few days. I am driving cross country for Pete's sake.

My Oil Change

I was all business yesteday. I returned somethings to the mall. I got a new shower curtain. I got my oil changed.

During all my task-driven behavior, I do tend to lose my mind a little.

At the Honda Center, I waited patiently for my oil change. They were so quick about it. The man handed me my keys and said, "It's out front." I paid my bill and walked out front and got into my car. I looked around in my car. It was a lot cleaner than I had left it. Also, the vents were all closed which was strange to me. Hey! The keys are already in it!

This is not my car!

So, I hopped out and took a good look at the mystery car to affirm that it did look exactly like my car as to not appear crazy. I walked briskly to my car and drove away. I was mildly embaressed. That kind of stuff always happens to me.

Old Treasures

My grandmother walked me to her garage this weekend where I found it filled with antiques, vintage sports equipment, and tools for living a life from years ago. She is having an auction in a few months and will be getting rid of these treasures. She lives in a very small town where the obvious treasures will be sold without problem. Creamery crocks, washtubs, and tools will be the first to go, yet there are some things that may not find a buyer because they will not be seen as something special or unique.

A chest that looked about 100 years old was found. I am sure it came over with my grandfather's family from Sweden, an old fashioned phonograph that requires a turn crank for it to play, and an old fashioned washer which also required a crank will be sold at the auction.

I loved walking around in the garage and thinking about these items and their uses. I like to imagine my grandfather using the beat up old football cleets or cross country skis. We found old Valentine cards and tons of old photos.

My responsibility will be to sell the old books. Grandpa had so many old books that were first edition or just old. Novels, textbooks, and political literature were piled in box after box. I am not sure how I will sell these books. Maybe I will sell them on Ebay or take them out east and sell them to a used book store. I know people collect books for reading and some collect for decorating. I did find an old Webster's Dictionary with my grandfather's name written in it by his hand. I plan on keeping that one for myself.

A Very Teenager Sara

I am going on day 14 in Grand Forks. I have found myself regressing into my teenage behaviors as I have this extended stay in North Dakota.

• Backed into the garbage can twice.
• Staying up very, very, very late because there is no reason to go to bed.
• Eating Little Debbie Snack Cakes...Swiss Cake Rolls to be precise. I never even consider buying these in my own home. Oh, and I eat them for breakfast.
• Going into my bedroom, closing the door, and talking on the phone for hours.
• Watching two hours of Dawson's Creek a day!! That is an embaressing one.
• I started reading a book called The Rim of the Prairie that I accidently stole from my sophomore English class. I didn't mean to steal it, but I just never returned it. I remember thinking this was one of the few books that were ever assigned that I liked.
• My gas light has been on for two days and I haven't filled it. It can be only a matter of time. I used to run out of gas all of the time in high school. I must get gas tomorrow.
• Listening to Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know". This time, I am not stewing over an old boyfriend, but instead thinking, "Man, I really like that CD."

Paperback Writer

I guess I have impulses too. I couldn't help myself. I have been thinking about this $30 purchase for a couple of weeks. I bought The Beatles' White Album tonight.

Actually, ever since Tim and I were driving home from St. Louis over July 4th weekend when we stumbled upon KUNI public radio station's Night Music. Every Sunday night they have an hour dedicated to strictly Beatles tunes. That night was great. Every song they play follows a theme and that night's theme was celebration and freedom.

I think every Beatles album is great, but this one has some of my favorites that I do not own yet.

• While My Guitar Gently Weeps
• Blackbird-I love this song in a big, deep, absolute way...Take these broken wings and learn to fly...
• I Will
• Birthday
• Revolution

My recent impulsive, yet a month in the making purchase begs the question...What is your favorite Beatles song? Everyone has one. Thankfully, some of us have many.

I love...

• Here, There and Everywhere
• Get Back
• Blackbird
• Here Comes the Sun
• Daytripper

Are We Lost?

I was never a Girl Scout, but I believe their words to live by are...

Make new friends, keep the old. One is like silver and one is like gold.

Something like that. Well, I was glad to receive an evite from Amanda at LaLaLaLola. She is a friend of a friend, but she is friend of a friend that lives in Philadelphia. So, hopefully, we'll be all moved in and ready for a party when the date arrives.

We'll probably get lost. That is usually okay though. It is a little game that Tim and I like to play called, "Let's See If We Can Find Our Way Home". We take obscure paths and roads and then, we get lost. Usually, not on purpose, but sometimes on purpose. I think we'll have to be more careful in Philadelphia because their roads do not just go north and south in a square. But, I have a map. We'll be fine.

I hope we don't get lost driving to Philadelphia. I am sure we won't because Interstates kind of keep you in line. Thankfully, Tim and I like to drive. In order to have a successful road trip, some of the following things...
- Some thoughtfully planned mixed CDs
- Candy-I like Bit-O-Honey and Licorice, but if we stop, I always get M & Ms-plain
- Diet Coke
- Good Conversation
- Comfortable Silences
- Maps

Boy, do we have maps. Tim likes to buy a map from every state that we have visited in our car. Not just any map, but it has to be a Rand McNally laminated and folded state map. We have about 13 maps. So, I like to break them out and just look at them. This can keep me entertained for hours. I am a nerd.

Self Imposed Anger

I am so mad at myself. I can't stand surprises. That mixed with my addiction to Six Feet Under allows myself to read the episode guides on hbo.com when I cannot watch it. As you know, season four is coming out August 23 and they are in the middle of season five.

I was reading msn.com yesterday and there was a headline with something like, "Six Feet Under Kills One of their Own"...I couldn't resist. I HAD to read it. I am so mad that I did. I am just mad at myself. I have no self-control when it comes to Six Feet Under and ice cream. I won' t ruin it for you, but again...so mad at myself. I had forgotten that I was mad at myself until this morning when I was thinking about the date and how many days until season four comes out and UGH!

I am Mixing my Metaphors

Okay, I have been thinking about luck lately. I am not even sure if this is the word I want to use, but for reasons that have to do with my limited vocabulary, we'll use it.

Things happen every day and we don't stop to think about the reasons for these events. We never even consider that there has to be a reason for events. That is life...it just keeps happening. So, recently, I have had a couple people say things to me that make me think about events in my life and their purpose...is it fate, luck, or just the path that we choose to take risks upon?

As I was leaving my school, a friend said to me, "See, Sara, it is times like these that show you how people feel about you. People tell you that you were important to them and cared for." Why do people have to leave in order for people to say, "Hey, I like you and you are special." Why don't we say it everyday? I try to do this with more than just words...oh, you know me...I'll mix you a CD with some tunes. I'll bring a candy bar. I shoot you an email. I call you. So, am I lucky for leaving because I received some affirmations?

This kismet I question can lead people to start friendships, relationships where there was nothing before. I am not sure I believe in luck because I have always been so deliberate when choosing my relationships. Let's take my friend, Amy. I knew she was a smart cookie with clever comments, jokes, and questions. I know I literally said in my inner dialogue, "Hey, I like Amy. I am going to befriend her." And guess what, we're friends. Take Tim, I said, "Hey, he is funny and quirky. I am going to call him and ask him out." And guess what, I married him. So, when something happens that I had no deliberate part in choosing the path, I cannot catagorize it properly...my mind just wants to catagorize and luck just as never been a catagory.

Why does every event need to fit into a mental compartment to understand it? Maybe I am not to understand each event in my life, just live it. Everything does not need to be neat and tidy. Sometimes there are frayed edges and doors left open.

Whoa...I am full of metaphor tonight.

Guilt Ridden

Thanks for all the ideas for blogging. I am not quite sure why this happens to me. I do think it has something to do with being in Grand Forks. Now, I love Grand Forks and I have nothing but fond memories of Grand Forks, but it doesn't get my creative juices flowing like other places.

I am afraid that if I don't write something clever or creative soon, I will lose all of my dedicated readers. Not only I am suffering from blogger's block, but some added blogger's anxiety! Now, I am just being dramatic.

So, here is today's attempt to get unblocked...first...a confession of some type.

Yesterday, I went to Target to buy a backpack/bag for my ibook. I decided to buy this bag that had a special spot for my beloved mini ipod. The best part about this bad beside the fact that it was exactly the right size for what I needed, it came with a free $15 prepaid itunes card. There was some confusion at the counter about the itunes card. But I was satisfied that I had received the correct card and left the store. It was only at about ten o'clock that evening when I realized that Target had accidently given me an extra $15 itunes card. Dilemma.

The greedy, music lover in me wants to keep this card because I want to own all of the music. The honest person wants to return the extra card. Hmmm...I feel guilty even writing about it.